The Worlds Worst
Instead of finishing training like normal folk, we've been stuck straight out onto the phones for the past few days, and I suck at it. Yesterday wasn't too bad as we were only call pulling (essentially taking details for someone else to call back) but today we were taking calls for real and I just came apart. I couldn't remember even the simplest thing, couldn't get my systems access right and I just unravelled like a poorly hand knitted scarf. To make matters worse, my supervisors and co-workers were all really nice and understanding, at a time when I didn't feel I deserved niceness at all. After a bit of time calming down I went back on the phones again, but only buddying this time and seeing how other people handle calls and systems and whatnot. It was surprisingly enlightening.
What I'm finding so frustrating is that I HAVE all the information and knowledge inside my head, and under test conditions it comes out perfectly. Stick me in a live situation though and although I know the job I just cannot for the very life of me do it. You wouldn't think that talking to someone on the telephone was a particularly taxing task, but I just don't seem to be able to master it. Whether I'm pushing too far too fast or simply expecting to be able to run before I can walk, I'm finding it an immensely distressing experience, and knowing that I have to go back and suck at it again tomorrow is incredibly demoralising. We can only hope that I suck a little bit less each day, until I finally become vaguely competent.
It wasn't all bad though, to cheer me up Ronnie bought me the Saw trilogy boxset, which I've been rather excited about for some time. Now my Saw marathon can finally be a go! Although obviously it'd have to be on a night when Ronnie's not in, 'cos she doesn't like the movies at all...
Are You Watching Closely?
Been a busy week.
Training is extremely tiring, to the point that last night I came home and fell asleep for a couple of hours before waking up and having dinner. Training is going well though, I'm remembering a huge amount from last time (probably enough that I could multi-skill into claims to be honest, but if they want me to do that I'll go on training like everybody else). Overall though things are going well.
I got my pay slip today too, although the money itself doesn't go through till tomorrow and I appear to have got a £600 pay rise for moving from claims to info, which was nice. Tomorrow I'll have money in my account (or to be accurate a smaller amount over drawn) and though I shall be tempted to go crazy and actually buy something... actually I almost certainly will, come to think of it!
What else has gone on?
Ermmm, not much. Work, sleep, work some more, sleep more... it's amazing how quickly you end up in the routine. We did spend most of Sunday afternoon in the pub though, that was nice, even if we were doing some prep work for the secret thing. And yeah, I suppose it really isn't that secret at that, but I've not really mentioned it here before, and I don't have the energy to go into it now either. We watched Chris Nolan's movie adaptation of The Prestige, and I have to say I really enjoyed it. It's radically different to Christopher Priest's original novel, and I'd have to say I felt it actually told it's story more effectively than the novel did, and had a better story to tell at that. I'd recommend it, unhesitatingly.
Terror Level Green
Y'know I'd just written a big long post detailing how everything is all wonderful and great, and then the "new, improved" blogger decided to eat it for no apparent reason. At least with the old one you had a chance at recovering your posts when it decided to play silly buggers.
To recap:
Work is going fine. I was very worried about going back because I remembered so very little; not just of my training but of the building or even the people that I'd met. Happily after a short period of disorientation it's all coming flooding back to me, and that is extremely gratifying. I'm in training for a while longer yet, and although I've moved to a different part of the service line (I'll be on specialist info rather than claims) so far we're still doing stuff that I've already been taught, in fact I remember stuff that we don't need to know for my current role! Maybe I'll be multi-skilling pretty soon eh?
Valentine's Day was excellent! I woke up to find a HUGE wooden box on the bed, and it was stuffed full of Maltesers and toy soldiers, along with a six pack of Coke in glass bottles (I always have to have it in a glass bottle if I can, I'm sure it tastes better that way!)! So that was a totally happy making present, and then in the evening we had a yummy three course, candle lit dinner (with help from Archie who thought he should get muddy foot prints on the table cloth at every available opportunity!).
Today has been another happy day; I made Barclays refund some bank charges they'd imposed on me, and I didn't ask nicely or be pathetic, I told them out-right that I know that they're legally not allowed to use punitive charges and they just backed off immediately, which was very pleasing. On top of that Ronnie got offered the loan she needs to start the secret thing I still don't know if I can talk about!
So there we are. Overall things have been very good since I went back to work. And it's only been three days!
Let's hope blogger let's me publish this time; I'm gonna hit the button, wish me luck!
Beyond The Capacity For Rational Thought
Just under an hour and a half before I am back at work, and I am frankly terrified.
Officially Normal
Well, that was straight-forward. Apart from the whole having to wait an HOUR to actually see the doctor which was quite appalling. Once I was in there though it was nice and easy, and I now have a note which says I am officially well, which is interesting 'cos nobody knows what went wrong, but we all just seem to be pleased that it's suddenly gone right again.
Adventure Day!
Yesterday was a fun day. Ronnie's shoulder hurt so much she didn't go into work (okay, that's not the fun part) then we spent the morning in bed watching sit-coms and went out on an adventure in the afternoon. Initially we went looking for a Japanese Garden centre out by Kings Lynn, but we didn't find that at all (I don't think it even exists anymore, if it ever did) and we just sort of adventured off from then, following random road signs and things that looked interesting until there was no more road left and we were on the coast. Then we wandered along the sea front, out onto the pier just after the sun had gone down, then we decided it was time to head for home! It was only then that we realised how far we'd come! Still it was a good day, the sort of day we haven't had in a long time, since I first became sick.
And now I'm not sick.
I've got to go see the doctor this afternoon to get myself signed back on for my return to work tomorrow and I am just a total bag of nerves, I can't seem to settle to anything. I don't even know what's making me nervous; I know I've got the awkward doctor this afternoon, but she never thought I was sick in the first place so I don't see why she should have a problem signing me back on, and as for work, well they don't expect me to do anything either, they're putting me on a training course. I suppose it's just been such a long time since I've been at work I'm putting all this pressure on myself to be brilliant and perfect when I really can't be. I'm worried that my health will fail me again, I'm worried that I won't be able to remember anything, that I won't be able to do the job, that I'll just fall apart. I've never had to doubt my health before, and now it's failed once I'm suddenly distrustful of it. I know it's stupid to put extra stress on myself, and I'm really trying not to, but I'm (apparently) only human!
Blogging Without Due Care And Attention
So here we are, another Saturday night by myself. Hopefully all this will be over once I've been back to work for a little while, and me and Ronnie can finally start to have a bit of a life again. God knows I don't expect to be rich, but it'd be nice not to be having a monthly crisis about where the rent comes from wouldn't it?
We had a pretty good relaxing day today though, got a lot of important things sorted out too (which I can't really talk about yet, but they are both Important and Exciting), and still managed to spend pretty much the whole day in a dressing gown!
I've pottered about a little this evening, played a little World of Warcraft and had a good time. Frankly that game impresses me like nothing I've ever played before. Maybe if I had more experience of MMORPGs I wouldn't be so blown away, but everytime I think I've got a handle on the world, on what goes on, something comes along to turn my understanding up-side down and show me how little I really do know. Yesterday it was finding the goblin town of Ratchet, which is on the coast and a port where Venture Company ships dock to take you to across the ocean. I wasn't expecting that at ALL, and it was a truly awesome experience when I first went down the little valley towards Ratchet and the ground just fell away down to the ocean, palms all along the coast and a majestic sailing ship is sitting in dock waiting for passengers. I shoulda taken a screen grab (I do that a lot at the moment, like taking photos of my real-life, only much more exciting!). Today I got involved in the local defense effort, and tried to take down the blasted elven outriders who made my life such a misery a few weeks back. They kicked our collective behinds, but it was a worth while effort nonetheless.
Back to work on Tuesday. I'm nervous about this, partly 'cos I don't know how well my health will stand up in a combat situation, although I don't really expect any problems, but mainly because I just have so little memory of my time there. So much from the period of my illness is vague or even missing, and I suppose like anybody else I worry about what will be expected of me in a new situation. I was trying to remember the name of the guy who ran our training course last night (no, not that there was a course last night, but last night I was trying to do the remembering) and for the life of me I couldn't. Not a clue, nothing. Still, they seem to kinda take it as read that I need re-training 'cos I'm going on a training course, so I expect it'll all work out for the best. And if I REALLY don't remember something they expect me to, well all I've got to do is explain that I REALLY don't!
Heating Problems
Our heating has been a bit erratic for a while now, and Wednesday (when it was absolutely perishing) it resolutely refused to heat up the living room even a little bit. So Ronnie called our landlord, who sent the engineers round today to try and fix it. Needless to say, it's working just FINE now, much as it did last night. They footled around for 45 minutes to an hour, tried various things, chatted about Star Wars and phoned their boss up alot, but ultimately they concluded that it's working now and let's hope it stays that way.
To be fair fixing an intermittent fault is an absolute nightmare, 'cos if the thing isn't mis-behaving when you're looking at it, how the hell are you supposed to tell what's wrong? You might have an idea, but if it's all working as it should then how do you know what to replace?
They were nice enough lads, although I thought they seemed too young to drive for themselves, let alone fix people's heating, but I suppose that's just me getting older.
Archie was very scared of them though. He ran off, and even after they'd gone it took me ages to even find him, he was being so quiet. He still won't come out from behind the chair either, soppy little article that he is. Hopefully he'll chill out soon.
I want to watch a comedy (or two!) this evening, something that's gonna make me laugh until coke dribbles out of my nose. That'd be good, not seen anything like that in a long while and right now I think I need it.
Snow Day!
And we're back!
Got the new power supply yesterday (thanks Dad!), and things started to go wrong pretty much from there. I know what you're thinking, you're thinking "it's the power supply for a PC, what could be wrong?" and the answer is... Antec. See they designed this case in a weird way, a way that is so weird that they supply a specially modified PSU with it when you buy it, and then when it goes wrong they don't supply a replacement part. However with a bit of hunting round forums I found a way to fit a normal PSU by making use of the vent covers and... well it's not exactly elegant, it's perfectly safe and it works, so that's all we need.
Yesterday was "snow day". To be frank it wasn't that good a snow day in Peterborough, it didn't even start snowing until sometime between 7am and 8am. It did settle for a bit, but once the commuter traffic got out there and started moving that was pretty much it. It continued snowing in a half-hearted fashion for most of the day, but it didn't really make a difference and by this morning it was all but gone. I'm always in tow minds when it comes to snow; there's the part of me that goes "yay snow!" and wants to go play in it, admire it, and just relax in it's tranquility, and then there's the boring adult part of me that thinks it's a bloody nuisance and how am I supposed to drive in this? I wish the kid part would win that argument more.
Archie didn't take to the snow at all though. He'd go out in it, but he wouldn't stay out there for more than two minutes before he had to come dashing back inside again. I suppose he's just nervous of new things, but it was a shame he wouldn't play more, cos I don't really know how much more snow he'll see in his lifetime. Although if the theory about global warming turning off the gulf stream is right then I guess he'll see an awful lot of more of it!
Old PC, Boredom
So far I'm not enjoying today at all.
Let's back track a little; after being told on Monday that my employers didn't really know if they wanted me back, I got the call yesterday so say that I should start back on Tuesday. That's a bit earlier than expected and it means I'll have to see my GP at the end of the week to get myself signed back on again, but as I was gonna be seeing him (or her) to get my prescription renewed that's not a big deal.
Then the power supply on the PC died for good, so I've had to get this old thing up and running again so that we still have 'net access and email and the like.
And now here we are in today and I just feel... bored. I don't know why, I haven't felt like this for ages, just full of the sort of listless feeling that everything is too much effort for not enough reward. I don't suppose it helps that I am using the old PC; all my comic books, music, movies and games are on the new machine and are therefore inaccessible. I'm particularly feeling the absence of World of Warcraft, which isn't entirely surprising, but I'm suppose I'm a little taken aback by how much that is what I want to be playing. Ah well, should have the new power supply tomorrow and then all will be as it was (assuming I can fit it correctly!).
Suppose I need to find something to do for the rest of the day then...
BASTARDS!
So I've just phoned my boss to talk about my return to work, only to be told that it was still being referred to HR 'cos I'd been ill for so long and that they were gonna have to get back to me! What the FUCK? Man, I can't believe I've been through all this crap, been ill for so long only to be (as good as) told they don't want me back! I know we were told about the HR thing a while back, but to be honest I'd kind of assumed that it was all sorted out because we hadn't heard anything, the old no news is good news approach. This appears not to be the case however.
Well bollocks to them says I! I've just had a quick look on the JobCentre website and found half a dozen decent looking posts to apply to.
I can't believe this though, what utter bastards. Not that they've made any decision yet, at least officially, but still.
I'm buggered if after all this I'm gonna be letting Ronnie down though, sod that!
Time to get some applications under way!
Infinite Monkeys At Infinite Type-Writers
This data base is kicking my ass. I know what I want it to do, and I kinda know how to do it, I just don't know how to convince Access to let me do it the way I was taught! I guess that's the problem with learning VB for applications rather than the applications themselves eh? On top of that I've finally got rid of the ergonomic keyboard I've had attached to this PC since we moved in (it was the first one I found and it was pure laziness on my part that my temporary solution became permanent) and have finally attached the proper keyboard! To tell the truth I've always kinda liked the ergo keyboard, it's certainly more comfortable for me once you get past the acclimatisation phase and I can type really quickly and accurately with it. Unfortunately nobody else uses them, so whenever I type on a 'normal' keyboard I look like a particularly monkey learning to type! Anyway, I finally dug out the fancy ass M$ keyboard I bought for this machine and have replaced the ergo keyboard with a standard but much less comfortable one. And now I look like said backward monkey trying to type for the very first time, with similarly impressive results!
Reeling In The Years
Things have been odd around these here parts. Not long after my last post I managed to contract a very nasty and painful infection which pretty much kept me rolling about in agony for a few days. Then, once that'd passed and I could stand and walk and stuff, the computer decided to play silly buggers. It's been having it's moments for a while now, the odd hang and crash, but I didn't really think it was anything beyond what you'd normally expect to go wrong with a PC once they get to be a couple of years old. Last week though it escalated to a much higher level of unpleasantness and it's taken me a while and a fair few experiments to figure out what the heck was going wrong. Long story short, the fan on the power supply is dodgy. Now whether it's actually the fan that's dodgy, or the temperature sensors in there that control it is kinda difficult for me to figure out, although my money would be on the fan itself 'cos it started up just now when I gave it a prod! I don't recommend prodding fans in power supplies by the way, in case anyone was thinking of doing this at home.
What else has been going on?
Well I finally succumbed to the lure of World of Warcraft, and I have to say that I'm finding it incredibly enjoyable and it has been the catalyst something of a renaissance in gaming for me when I was starting to find it all a bit stale. So that's interesting. I also seem to have finally buried my grudge with Games Workshop as we went shopping for miniatures the other day and I'm teaching Ronnie to paint! And on top of all that I saw the consultant at the hospital yesterday and he said I was pretty much all clear, there were a few more tests to do (scheduled for March!) but he expects them to be clear and the cause of my problems to remain unknown. Still he said I'll be okay to go back to work soon, which is great news.
I'm worried about the strain this whole thing is putting on Ronnie. She's had a cold for the past week, and she's worked every day this week (except for Friday when I went to the hospital) and she's working everyday next week too, and most of the week after that. She's so tired now, I can't wait to be bringing a bit of money into the house again so she can quit the bar work and have some time off. She's worked so hard, and I don't think I can adequately express how much everything she's done means to me. I guess I'll just have to spend the rest of my life trying eh? I feel so useless, 'cos there seems to be so little I can do to make things better for her at the moment. *sad face*
Remember that Archie got put on a diet a while ago 'cos he's like two cats? Well he's not been happy with his new diet, and on Monday he made that quite clear when he ran away! Took us bloody ages to find him too, the little sod, and even when we did find him he wouldn't let us get near enough to pick him up. I was so glad to see him, I was terrified that one of the dogs that walk back there had frightened him and he'd run off and got lost, or ran onto the parkway or something equally terrible. But no, he was just hanging about in other people's gardens and refusing to come back in! I came back inside and got a big bowl of tuna, 'cos I knew he'd come to me for that! Now he's getting some meat for lazy cats in his bowl as well as the diet biscuits, and he only gets supervised outside time, but he seems much happier overall.
We've seen lots of films; Casino Royale, V for Vendetta, Brick, Thank You For Smoking... actually that doesn't seem like loads, but they're all well worth your time, assuming you have time to spare!
