The Importance of Being Idle

I Found Low

I don't really know where this is going to go, but I think I need to say something, so I'll say it here.
For just over a week now I've been suffering a pretty major dizzy period. I've had them off and on, but not this severe or long lasting for a good few years now, and it's getting to me.
I know in my head that nobody blames me for this, or thinks less of me, and I also know that stressing myself isn't going to help but I've been feeling low, really low. I don't know what to do when I am alone, there isn't much I can do if I'm honest, and just sitting, being, isn't the easiest thing. Apparently the extra paranoia comes from the disease itself, or maybe comes with the disease is a better way to put it. I know I am neither alone nor unusual in this regard, I've been having a good look online recently, but still it's hard not to feel isolated.
I've always thought that this was going to get better, that periods of decompensation would become fewer and further between, but my research over the past week hasn't been so optimistic. For a start, all the various "dizzy" syndromes seem confused, poorly delineated and I think poorly understood. I certainly suffer symptoms that cross several boundaries, and don't conform clearly to any particular group, although the Meniere's diagnosis I got from the specialist those many years ago does seem the best match for me, although my attacks are both longer lived and also less severe (I've never been so dizzy that I throw up, at least not for years and years for instance). If it IS Meniere's, then there is an inevitable degeneration to look forward to, during which the symptoms will spread to both ears, my hearing will be damaged but on the plus side during this period the dizzy spells will fade and eventually stop. It strikes me that maybe it's something else, something that isn't really known about. Not that I am suggesting that I am special, a patient zero for whatever this is, just that with all due respect to GPs, they just don't have the time or inclination to look too deeply into cases that are managed by the received wisdom. And I pretty much am managed by the received wisdom.
I would normally think that I could stay inside indefinitely, and never get bored, but after a week an a bit I am already going a bit crackers. It's not that I have a lack of entertainments or diversions, more a limit on how long I can enjoy these things before I start to feel altered or other and have to stop. On top of that I am really having a hard time sleeping. Not that I don't feel tired, cos I do, oh so very tired, but I can't sleep for more than a few minutes at a time and when I do I am plagued with dreams which are strange and disturbing even by my standards.
When I write it all out like this it all seems so trivial, so petty, but when it's stuck in my head it seems insurmountable.

posted by BadMonkey @ 3:46 PM