Enlightening. NOT!
Yesterday was oddly pointless. I musta been tired as anything, cos not only did I sleep through my alarm, but I also slept through text messages and the phone ringing! I eventually surfaced while it was still just about morning, and spent the day pottering about and getting a few bits done.
At least this morning I was up a bit earlier, although to be honest the plan for the day is more of the same: pottering about and getting things done around the house.
It's cold.
And ermmm, apparently my brain still isn't very awake! hehe
Happy Weekend, Over Too Damn Soon!
Ronnie's just left, and I feel sad. In fact I cried a few silly, lonely tears as her car pulled away, but I pulled myself together 'cos that's just being silly: things are going terrifically well between us and show no signs of slowing down. And of course, I'll be seeing her again in just five short days time!
It was a great weekend though: she'd snuck out of work an hour early (well, snuck as in didn't tell me she'd left, they knew obviously), and then when she got here we had time for a quick drink before we went to the Dragoon for our dinner date. I think we both had a great evening, the food was yummy and interesting, the drink was plentiful, the service excellent, and Ronnie even got offered a job at the end of the night! She looked absolutely stunning that night too, a real beauty. I was so pleased and proud to be with her. When we got home we snuggled up in bed together, and watched The Mummy till we fell asleep! It was a wonderful evening.
Saturday was a bit different, as we spent the majority of the day at her sisters house, hanging out, watching movies and having fun. That was another good day, and we all seemed to get on really well, so that was cool.
Today we just kinda chilled, did a little shopping, had a nice relaxing bath (and decided how we're gonna redecorate the bathroom!), then went to the cinema. We saw Final Destination 3, which I think is the high point of the series thus far, it plays everything really directly, assumes you get the idea, and it kills people in fantastically inventive and insanely gory ways! Watch out for (radiator-) fans and nail guns! Ewwwwwwwwwww! When we got home Ronnie cooked us a lovely dinner, while I struggled to finally fix her laptop! The funny thing is that over the three years or so she's had the machine, there've always problems with it and a variety of self-appointed experts have given it the once over and determined that they have "fixed" the problem. So far, none of them have, in fact most of them have been incapable of removing viruses! On top of that there've been some ill-thought out 'tweaks' and some radical misunderstanding of how PCs should be optimised... I don't know if I've finally managed to get things fixed, but it seems like I have, although it took a good few hours and honestly the machine still isn't where I'd like it to be. But it's pretty good for a start.
But all too soon the weekend was over and she had to leave. It's the first time she's had the Saturday off to spend with me, and it was wonderful to spend that amount of time with her, except it's just left me wanting more and more and MORE! I can't wait till things are sorted so she can move in, I really can't.
It's only five days though until we see each other again, it isn't that long at all really. So why does Friday seem so far away?
Tempted To Use THAT Hitchhikers Quote Again...
It's been another challenging day I'm afraid. It was a real struggle to wake up and get out of bed, and things didn't get any easier as time went by to be honest! Luckily I have a wonderful gf who kept me cheerful and who wouldn't let me slide into a black pit of despair, so things weren't bad at all. She even got me thinking positively about the future, and looking at training courses to go on later in the year! Whenever I feel like this I hope I'm not being too much of a burden on people, even though its perfectly normal to have moods and feelings, but then I suppose that's just how Jacqui used to make me feel. More than anything of course, I'm worrying about money. I think, if I'm relatively careful, I can make it to the end of March without disaster, its just what happens after that which worries me. Of course, getting a job would be the ideal solution, but we all know how well that's been going so far, and having a time limit on it just makes it uber stressful! Anyway, hopefully my slump is over now, cos the weekend is all but here! Woohoo! All I have to do tomorrow is be awake and be clean and dressed, and the weekend is GO! I think even I can manage that, don't you?
Wednesday Hates Me!
I think it's fair to say that me and today didn't get on at all well.
For some unknowlable reason I woke up this morning and just couldn't get interested in anything. I knew I had things to do, I had a day planned, but it didn't matter. Try as I might I couldn't get going this morning. Or this afternoon, to be honest. Then, just when I was about to go outside, get some fresh air and a change of scenery, Jules calls cos her computer is broken.
So around I go, to see what I can do. Turns out its "broken" cos her boyfriend tried to fix it (ha! amateur hour), but there wasn't much to it and I'd got it sorted in a few minutes. He does however seem to be driving her crazy, but sadly he didn't leave us along long enough to talk about him, so I guess we'll have to do it another day!
By the time I got home again I was feeling a good deal chirpier, and I watched a good edition of Deal or No Deal (a bizarrely compelling bit of daytime gameshow-ness) and then watched The Descent!
Now, I've seen this movie before, round Jules' place, but as is typical of her, if it takes more than two seconds of attention (or is new, she hates change) then she's not gonna be interested, and sure enough she spent the WHOLE movie bitching about it. When I got to watch it again, by myself, this afternoon, I found a very cool movie. Sure it may not be the great white hope of the horror genre that its been hyped as (Neil Marshall, after two movies, could be up there with Eli Roth as a potential saviour of the genre), although it does have strong similarities with some classics from the 70s (particularly in the whole dehumanising effects of violence theme that you saw explored in early Wes Craven flicks, for instance), and it also owes a strong debt to Alien which is pretty much the ultimate haunted house movie. The cinematography is very strong, and it being set in a cave, the only light sources are the lights the women themselves bring with them, leading to a very claustrophobic atmosphere (not to mention some spectacularly beautiful moments of coloured lighting!). Another cool movie! Maybe I'm getting soft in my old age...
Spent the rest of the evening chattin with Ronnie online, which made me happy. Can't wait to see her on Friday though, she's staying for the WHOLE weekend this time, and I'm dead excited! We're going out to dinner Friday night, and then I've no doubt we'll be having a few drinks (we're goin' down the Dragoon, which (if memory serves) does excellent, individual food, unlike the normal mass produced crap that most pubs do, and I know Ronnie loves proper food cooked by a proper chef!), Saturday we're going to visit her sister (and presumably get drunk a bit more! Well, I will, she's driving!) and then I've no idea what we'll do on Sunday, but at a guess we'll chill and relax and see where the day takes us! I can't wait!
Revise This!
It is with much glee that I report renowned Holocaust "revisionist" David Iriving has been sentenced to three years imprisonment in Austria for denying the Holocaust. Good for Austria says I, the tosser deserved it. I wonder why it is that Holocaust deniers annoy me as much as they do. I suppose its because they exercise a denial of historical record AND a stunning anti-Semitism, and they do it in such a coldly calculated way. Ah well, the fuckers inside for a bit. Yay!
Weirdly the media over here has been slightly too eager to defend Irving, or at least to question the legitimacy of this ruling given his "freedom of speech". This makes me sad, that so many people (and by people I mean journalists, our poorly educated, slow thinking opinion makers) don't understand the little flags that they wave. Irving had and has total freedom of speech, he did after all have the freedom to deny that there were gas chambers at Auschwitz. What he didn't have was the freedom to speak without consequence, and I think that's what a lot of people talk about when they mention freedom of speech. Well, there's no such thing as speech without consequence, and nor should there be. I DO agree that we should all be free to express our opinions, no matter how idiotic, but there are ALWAYS consequences, and there shouldn't be any way to hide from those. I am, after all, quite free to go up to the biggest, scarriest biker that I can find and tell him that I fucked his mum up the arse while his dad watched, but nobody would be foolish enough to defend me from the inevitable kicking by saying I was merely exercising my freedom of speech. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I can't believe that people still haven't gathered that yet. So freedom of speech by all means, but can people think about their responsibilities once in a while, not just their rights?
The Eighth Wonder Of The World!
Past few days haven't exactly been action packed, but I've managed to keep myself busy cleaning, applying for work and generally messing about. I've also, somehow, managed to watch THREE movies in the past two days, and I'm buggered if I don't know how. I'm not gonna tackle them in any particular order, so here we go:
Domino: I know it got something of a critical mauling, and disappeared at the cinemas quicker than a thing that disappears really quickly, but it was everything I hoped it would be: psychotic, dizzy, convoluted and beautiful! Tony Scott's direction here isn't as amazing as it was in Man on Fire (and truth be told, this movie isn't a patch on MoF, lacking the emotional centre) but its still damn trippy and really really cool! And Mickey Rourke is still really cool!
Jarhead: Another movie that suffered critically and at the box office, this time it seems for not being what its audience expected. That's a shame, cos if people'd stopped wanting it to be about America's current desert escapades, and just watched the movie for what it is, they'd discover a something that seeks to it's generations Apocalypse Now. Okay, nothing IS as good as ApocNow, but it certainly has the same dreamy, occasionally hallucinogenic quality to it, full of beautiful and disturbing imagery, and flat out craziness (I love the whole oil fields sequence, for instance). Its also a fantastically shaggy war story, with our protagonists only ever coming under fire from their own side (when they're "friendly fucked" by a couple of A-10s) and never once firing their weapons at or even NEAR the enemy. Its never dull, always absorbing, and highly recommended.
Finally we come to Peter Jackson's King Kong. Now, as I think you all remember, I've made it quite clear that I wasn't interested in this movie. Not when it was announced, not during production, and only a teeny tiny bit once I'd seen the trailer. Let me just say I was wrong, really really wrong! I LOVED every fucking frame of this movie, and for the life of me I couldn't tell you why! I really was thoroughly absorbed in the adventure for the whole three hours, and I think the time spent establishing the characters is time that pays back by the barrelful later on! Kong himself is an amazing creation, a truly state of the art combination of performance and technology. Skull Island is almost a character in itself with such wonderfully ancient looking forests and ruins and whatnots! And the spider pit! God that is vile! And timed SO perfectly, it's like the darkest moment of the whole movie and its just an absolute trough of despair. Brilliantly done. I suppose the greatest tribute I could pay to the movie (at least as far as PJ would be concerned) is that its made me want to see the original movie again (something I've not done since I was nine or ten years old, and it didn't really make much of an impression on me).
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... King Kong!
Motherfucker Got Blood All Over My Best Clown Suit!
I'm starting to get used to the experience of wearing my new glasses, but I still get the occasional dizzy spell and I am scared as hell of walking down stairs, cos the floor isn't
quite where I think it is. Falling down in public is not cool!
Ronnie came over last night, I cooked dinner for us (nothing fancy, I'm not a very good cook) and we snuggled up and watched a couple of movies. Then this morning we had a leisurely breakfast, and rather bizarrely looked through all the photos from my honeymoon, then this afternoon we went for a wander and explored Abington Park, fed the birds and all that sort of thing. It was a really nice, relaxing, fun time, but all too soon it was over and she had to leave to get to work. I love her, and I love being with her, but for some reason I'm worrying that all this is gonna finish and I'll end up hurt and alone again. God knows why I'm worrying about this, its the sort of neediness that almost becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and there's certainly been no signs or indications that she's fed up with me but... I guess I still struggle with feelings of my own self-worth (or lack thereof) and I just don't think I'm good enough or interesting enough to hold her attention for any length of time. There is of course a strong possibility that I should just stop being so stupid. There are no guarantees, but right now things are amazingly good, and if we both love each other and are honest then there's no reason that things shouldn't STAY amazingly good. Yeah, I just need to relax and not be so stupid! hehe
This evening I have done... remarkably little. Talked to my Mum on the phone (yay for the weekly phone call!), and ermmm, had some dinner? And watched The House of 1000 Corpses! Now, I'd read a lot of shit 'bout this movie before I saw it (or The Devil's Rejects), but I have to say I liked it. Sure it doesn't have a strictly coherent narrative, but on the other hand it is one of the most effective nightmares on film I have ever seen, full of powerfully almost hallucinogenic imagery as I've ever seen in a horror movie. Couple that with some wonderful sets and set decoration (which really is awesomely dense and impressive), scary ass characters (Dr Satan's gonna stay with me I think! and Captain Spaulding is just a classic) and I think its a justifiable mini-classic. Well, I liked it!
Seasick On Dry Land!
Well, the past couple of days haven't been super eventful, but I've been doing my best to actually GET THINGS DONE, and I have been marginally succesful.
I washed the curtains in my bedroom, and that was nice. It was certainly something that had needed doin' for a long while, but the way I did it left something to be desired... in so much as I shoulda just gone to the laundrette as was planned, rather than deciding it was a nice day and that they'd dry outside in the weak spring sunshine. So it came to pass that last night I slept without curtains in the bedroom, and I have to say that was surprisingly cool. I don't know about you, but there's always this odd, childish fear about
something looking in windows at night, but last night it didn't bother me at all, and I slept calmly and happily, occasionally waking to see the moon smiling down at me... It was a good nights sleep!
Today my new glasses were finally ready! Of course, nothing was immediately straightforward, cos I'd called Specsavers in the morning and asked them if my glasses were ready, and they'd said nope, not until early next week. So it was a bit of a surprise when a few hours later Specsavers called me to tell me that my glasses were ready! I think they're pretty swish and that I look good in them, but oh boy are they weird! Apparently cos the lenses are so thin they're made of an extra dense material and the light takes a fraction longer to pass through them, leading to a slight delay between when your brain is expecting visual information, and when it actually GETS that information. The practical upshot of which is that I feel VERY dizzy. I'm sure I'll get used to it (in fact I BETTER get used to it) but right now wearing these glasses is not a pleasant experience!
Ronnie is coming over this evening (YAY!), and we don't have a lot of money again (when will this poverty end!), so I think we're staying in, drinking wine and watching a movie (or two!). Apparently we're not watching The House of a 1000 Corpses, or The Devil's Rejects, and to be honest, I wasn't expecting us to. They just (finally!) came this morning, which was a surprise. I think I ordered them sometime just into the new year, hell, it might even have been just after Christmas, all I know is that I'd pretty much forgotten about them, so it was a nice surprise to find them this morning! Anyway, the point was I wasn't expecting us to watch them this evening, I suspect we'll go for something in a comedy or rom-com vein, but only time will tell!
Best Valentines Day Ever!
It took a while before the plan was revealed to me, first we went back to her parents house and had chinese food, then I played with her cat for a bit (he's got a radio-controlled mouse which is awesomely entertaining), and then, finally, all became clear! We got in the car, and drove off, down roads, out into a field... where we put up a tent (in super high winds!) and had a star-gazing picnic! She'd selected a star related soundtrack, made a us a little picnic and we just sat in the tent and had a wonderful romantic time! All too soon the batteries in everything started to run out (the laptop, portable stereo and even the lamp!), and we packed up and went back home to see what Plan 'B' was. In some ways, it was even better. She went up to her bedroom, put the lights out and lit some candles, then called me up and got me to lie on her bed. Overhead she'd stitched little star sequins to a black sheet, and made stars indoors! Not everyone can say their girlfriend made the stars for them on Valentines Day, can they? It was all just ridiculously wonderful and made me feel very very special and insanely lucky to have her. I eventually got home at about 1am, tired but very happy indeed.
This morning, I got up (early!) and went to sign on! For the first time in a long time I got Crista, my "proper" advisor, and we had a good chat about stuff, and about the lack of jobs to be found! Which admittedly might not be the best thing to talk about per se, but there you go.
For some reason I've had this overwhelming urge to watch Brazil today, but everywhere is charging far too much for it (at least everywhere that isn't Play.com) so I guess I'll just have to keep wanting, eh? It's not like I have a shortage of other movies to watch at all...
Valentine's Day!
Well, in just under an hour I'll be off to find out what the surprise my girl has been organising for the past few days actually IS. I'm excited! I have my own elements to contribute too, and I hope she's not expecting them...
These Dreams
I have no idea where today went, I'll admit that up front.
I know I couldn't sleep last night, and that when I eventually DID sleep I had a weird "War of the Worlds" type dream. In fact it WAS WotW, just set in victorian era New York (for some reason) and I only remember bits of it: hiding in a ruined school house, and finding shelter in an underground village... Then a bit later on I had a completely different dream where I was a police detective in 70s Japan, and we were searching for a murderer in an appartment complex... All in all, it was a bit weird.
Then I woke up late. AGAIN.
I've got to stop this, got to get a proper handle on my sleep pattern again so I can usefully get stuff done during the day, cos today was a total waste. Well, no it wasn't a waste, I spent the afternoon catching up with my best friend who I hadn't spoken with for a couple of weeks (she's in hell, again), but I didn't actually do anything to move my life forward.
Must try harder!
I suppose it is possible that I can do something useful with my evening... Let's see, eh?
He Could Make A Good Hat-Rack (He Only Has To Stand There!)
Wow, one day just isn't enough!
I spend all week building up to the one night we're together and then its over before you even know it! Hell, it's not even one day, its about 20 hours... still, its 20 hours of almost perfect happiness, so there's not really a lot to complain about is there? And I'm NOT complaining at all, just bemoaning the fact that it passes so quickly... Still we ARE working on making things a little more permanent in the not to distant future...
Speaking of the not to distant future, my wonderful girl's got some big surprise that she's working on for Tuesday, won't tell me what it is, where it is, or anything of the sort, only that I'll need a jumper and a portable stereo! I'm refusing to speculate as to what this surprise may be (I already have half an idea, and that's half an idea more than I want to have!), cos I don't want to accidentally or even deliberately work out what it is!
In the news of the weird, I hardly slept at all last night (steady!) because I had a song from Futurama stuck in my head! Y'know the episode Bending In The Wind, the one with Beck? Yeah, I know its one of my favourites too, but the song Bender writes, My Broken Friend? That bastard thing was stuck in my head ALL last night! Curse you and your natural showmanship!
Pac-Man?
Huh. Well I've no idea where on earth today's gone. I got up on time, pottered about as per my plan, and then seem to have spent a large amount of time playing Pac-Man, and wondering what the point of Ms Pac-Man was. Well, I suppose it has varied mazes in it whereas Pac has only the one, but then I don't see the need for a terribly sexist 'female' version of the character. And how come no other game in the entire god-awful Pac series has never actually been any good? Was there a Pac-Man Jr?
See, this is where my afternoon has gone. If I could spend as much time concentrating on important things as I can concentrating on the trivial, then I could move mountains!
In happy news my girl is coming to visit tonight! Woohoo! Just a few hours to go... guess I'll spend the time thinking about Pac-Man some more!
Flammable and Inflammable: Why?
Today was pretty fun. Okay, it didn't start terrifically, I got another rejection letter which kinda put me on a bit of a downer, but a quick trip to Toys'R'Us soon sorted that out. Actually, the trip to TRU was a bit poor too, they didn't have any toys that filled me with glee, and their idea of a sale is frankly laughable, but I did spend five minutes playing Nintendogs on the display DS, and I can see why everyone thinks they're such fun.
Then I came home, and started to go through my clothes... Oy vey that's been a game. So far, I've sorted through JUST my shirts and t-shirts, and I've already made four big bin bags worth of rejects! It's all good though, for the first time in a long time you can actually open the wardrobe door and see the full length mirror! And of course, I'm making room for my girl and her cat! Woohoo!
The Death of Gaming?
Okay, another day another trip to the tip, and this time it seems to have made a noticeable difference! Admittedly there is still more to do until I'll feel that I've done enough and made sufficient room, but I'm getting there. What's gonna be a real bugger for me though is gonna be the THINGS I can't easily get rid of, and I'm thinking my telescope and spare PC here. Actually the 'scope itself has actually kinda tidied away quite well, but the PC just sits there like a great big lump, spoiling my otherwise slim(mer)-line aesthetics. I even managed to sort out a few books to donate to charity! And me getting rid of a book is a pretty big deal. Tomorrow I think I'm gonna need to start thinning out my clothes...
To be honest I haven't done a lot else today, I've been working on what I was supposed to be working on, although this evening I did go through CEX's price charts and see how much I'd get for my consoles and games if I decided to trade them in... I know gaming can be pretty cyclic anyway, but I have hardly (one game of Burnout 3 on Xbox) touched them at all this year - the GameCube for even longer! Thing is though, the 'Cube DOES have the new Zelda as a potential saviour... and Black will be out in a couple of weeks and we all know that's gonna kick ass... assuming I come back to gaming again. I know, I know, we've all been there, and I also know just as well that at some point it'll come roaring back to me... except I wonder this time. Gaming is a pretty solitary pass time overall, and I'm not solitary anymore, am I?
Digital!
Finally the digital revolution has made its way to my house.
I have to say I'm kinda impressed. I mean I only have a real basic NTL package, but the picture and sound quality is lovely, and I suddenly have even more channels to choose from! I've spent a disturbing amount of time this afternoon just messing about with the channels I've got, checking whats on when, changing their order about for ease of access, and just generally messing about. It's been fun!
BUT there was serious work that needed to be done too, and I've emptied quite a lot of rubbish out of my spare room: in fact I filled my car with rubbish, front seat and foot wells too! Hardly seems to have made any difference to the room itself, sadly enough... I guess there's still a lot of work to do eh?
Oh yeah, and in other news I got a crappy rejection letter this morning. Poop!
Its Been One Week (Nearly)
You'd think it'd been a particularly hectic week or something, but no it hasn't. Thursday I was just all sick and celiac-ed, Friday I cleaned like the devil and re-arranged some of my furniture in an effort to find some space in my flat. Saturday I went to collect my girl from work (at the Falcon!) and she'd got me a table and my choice of dessert ready. She was so sweet, and I really enjoyed watching her work. It was also really fun to watch the other customers reactions; they could tell
something was going on, they just couldn't tell what... and I liked that! Then we came home, I cooked for her and we went to sleep very late after watching a movie. Sunday we had plans, but they all vanished in a haze of fun. Not that I'm saying our plans wouldn't have been fun too, cos I'm sure they would've been, but what we ended up doing was super fun too (and I ate fried seaweed!). Then I reluctantly had to take her home again (she DOES have a job to go to, after all), and when I got back I watched the second half of the Superbowl. It was actually a pretty good game, although there were at least two REALLY bad bits of officiating which swung things unfairly Pittsburghs way. Still, nice to see Bettis and Cowher get their hands on the trophy.
Monday morning I was utterly out of it though. I slept till it was Monday afternoon (yeah, I wasn't pleased with that either), went for a wander to the shops, and then on into town. My new glass'll be about another week apparently. Be glad to be rid of these fuckers, I can tell you that! Then finally I rounded off the day by watching the Dukes of Hazzard movie. Now I know y'all've read some pretty bad things about it, but as is fairly typical for me, I really enjoyed it! Admittedly its not laugh out loud funny, at least I didn't find it to be so, but as someone who fondly remembers the original show it was just a pleasantly nostalgic 100-odd minutes well spent. And I think Seann William Scott as Bo is genius (I love this car! I wanna eat in it, sleep in it, make love to it!). The star of the show is still The General though, and I can see why Bo loves him so...
And so to Tuesday, today. I'm sitting, waiting for the NTL guy to show up and fit me with digital cable. Waiting. I hate sitting and waiting for somebody to come and DO something, I always have this feeling that I can't actually get on with things myself, that I have to be in this bizarre permanent state of readiness. I don't know where on earth this feeling comes from, it just is. I'm gonna try and see if I can sort through some of my old clothes, or maybe try and make some sense of the spare room, but I wouldn't be holding my breath. The spare room is a REAL mess...
Monday, Tuesday... No, Wait, It's Wednesday!
Today was actually pretty effective. I went and signed on this morning (got the same bloody woman who tells me all about her problems AGAIN! I think not having to deal with her is part of my incentive to getting a job!) but it went smoothly enough and then I was free to wander, which I did. I only needed to get a small selection of things when I was out, and quite naturally I didn't get any of those things at all, but I did remember to get myself a creme egg. So tomorrow, I STILL need various household supplies, and I suspect that unless I make myself a list, I'll still come home with just a creme egg...
Then after lunch I did job applications! This was actually pretty fun, and excellently positive. The only problem was that I really wanted to hurt my printer, as it has taken to entertaining itself by either pretending it has no paper in it when it clearly does, or trying to print on as many sheets as it possibly can until it gives itself a paper jam. If it were an animate object I'd think it was acting up to get attention, and to be honest I'm kinda thinking that way regardless...
I got to talk to my girl this evening too, at least for a little while. We've stopped texting each other ALL day (it was costing us both a fortune), although we do exchange regular emails when we can. And I called her at lunch time. And again before she went to bed! I miss her, what can I say?
Its weird to feel like this, though, I'll admit to that. I miss her when she's gone, obviously I do, but I'm a grown man, so I know that we both have responsibilities and things we need to take care of before we can be together. And I can take it, its not like I'm pining away for her or anything, I'm just excited to hear from her, to talk to her, to see her, to be with her. It's also weird that things seem to be going so fast between us, but dammit when I want something I want it NOW, if not sooner! I woundn't say things are too fast, not at all, just... we both seem to know what we want and we can't see any point messing about and pretending that we don't. And I want her with me, or me with her, where we are isn't really important as long as we're together.
Yes you can say "awwwwwwwww" now in a patronising voice, feel free.
