The Importance of Being Idle

Falling Up

Tired.
That pretty much sums things up here. Don't know why I'm tired, but I am on an almost epic level. Earlier on I was kinda drifting in and out of the real, and I'd somehow got the dream state and the waking state mixed up and I was so sure this was all a dream, I could've sworn I even heard my Mum trying to wake me up. Turns out it probably isn't, but then what's the difference between the objectively and subjectively real? They both effect you the same way on an emotional level, even if you intellectually know one of those realities to have no concrete existence.
Work continues to be sporadic, to the point where I'm not only worrying about where the rent is gonna come from at the end of the month, I'm even worrying about my weekly spending, and I've not been there for a while. Wasn't so long ago that a weeks wages would cover the rent, but since we've lost the big contracts those times are gone. I would imagine they'll be back at some point, but whether I'd still be driving by then, remains to be seen.
On the other hand, in light of my last post, I should point out that I am in fact, pretty happy! It's been a lovely sunny day, I had an early start, went down to London, and then had an early finish! I've been playing with Archie since I got back, with some Guitar Hero thrown in for good measure. Life, is okay, heck it may even be good. It's certainly better than the alternative.
Speaking of which, it was Jim's second funeral on Monday, and that was as good a day as you could expect really. There were plenty of family this time, and I think it was a pretty good send off. Once it was over Shaz kinda fell apart though; I think she'd been almost avoiding dealing with her grief by looking after everybody else, and now that there's nothing left to do she can't avoid it any more. She had a day off yesterday, and went back to work today. She complains of feeling numb and like nothing really matters, but well, that's pretty much what she should be feeling; somehow like the volume on the world has been turned down. It all seems a little less important than once it did. Still, soon enough you lose touch with that feeling and everything goes back to normal. Which may not necessarily be for the best, but it's just the way it is; you get a heightened sense of what's important when you're around death, but no matter how hard you try you can't hold on it, and you just end up taking everything for granted again.
Well, that was randomly philosophical. I should be taking advantage of this rare moment of free time, but I can't decide whether to continue with my existing WoW characters (and if so, which one) or whether to start this dwarf paladin I've got in my head... choices choices!

posted by BadMonkey @ 6:15 PM