The Importance of Being Idle

No Direction Home

It seems like a lot has happened recently, but one event seems bigger and more important than everything else, and that's the death of Shaz's grandad. I didn't know Jim well, but from what little I did know of him he always seemed like a lovely man (he was certainly always nice to me, asking after my health even while the cancer was eating him alive), and I was sorry to see him go. Shaz was almost obsessive about visiting him for his last few weeks in the hospice (understandably) but seemed almost relieved when he finally passed; I suppose she felt that he at least was no longer suffering. Anyway, today was the first part of his funeral (due to internal, family wranglings, there will be two legs to this funeral, the return match being on Monday, as it were). It was a small affair today, just direct family (and me, feeling slightly like I was intruding), and despite the religious bits it was a nice enough ceremony. It always surprises me how little we leave behind when we go, but then I suppose family is your legacy, and the memories you leave with them. That got me onto a whole line of thinking entitled Things I Shall Never Have, and that was just depressing and rubbish.
Easter has been and gone, as has Shaz's birthday (in fact Jim died early in the morning of her birthday, which quite naturally, if a little unfairly, over shadowed the day for her). And there's been work, lots and lots of being at work.
Somehow in all this I seem to be slipping back into old ways, spending money rather than spending time, if you know what I mean. And I spend and spend, buying movies and games and books and whatnot, and I wonder not only when I'll get the time to use any of these things, but why I'm even buying them; they're not really making me happy, just eating into what little savings I've managed to accumulate. But then should the acquisition of savings really be making me happy either? What's the point of money if not to spend it? I'm not saying spend it frivolously, but surely just keeping it shouldn't be the point either, should it? Yet I get so upset, almost tearful at the thought of spending. I don't know what's happened to my balance, or indeed my ability to spend without remorse, but something has to change.
Still, it's not all bad; summertime has started and I'm already enjoying the late evenings (well it means I can work later without turning on my head lights...), and Eurovision is edging ever closer to us. Somehow it's managed to largely stay off my radar so far this year, but it's only six weeks away now (or is it seven? Not long anyway), and I still don't know any of the songs! On top of that I seem to be in the midst of an obsession with all things Games Workshop (or at least some things GW), which is entertaining my imagination on those long days of driving, even if I very rarely get to actually pick up a model to paint.
And finally time for an odd confession; with The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford and The Darjeeling Limited coming out on DVD within a week of each other, why is it the universally detested Hitman movie that I feel myself wanting to see? Okay, that's a confession in the form of a competition, so answers to the usual address, the winner will... win something. Of no value, I'm quite sure.

posted by BadMonkey @ 6:38 PM