The Importance of Being Idle

Near Death Experience

Well, I had a great time last night, but things kinda took a turn...
Met Ronnie from work, and was greeted with a great big hug and a kiss from my wonderful gf, then (after a bit) we headed into town to meet up with one of her mates and have a few drinks, then onto the Met Lounge (the club Ronnie goes to! First time I've ever been in there and I thought it was very cool!) but the general consensus was that the band were a bit rubbish, so we left and went to the Q-Club, where both Ronnie and I became full members! We played a bit of pool, and then I noticed Ronnie was starting to get sad, so I tried to cheer her up, but it turns out that all I was doing was irritating her (again!), which I didn't find out till we were going home. I felt awful, all I was trying to do was make her feel happy, with little smiles and winks and stuff...
I was thinking about this on the way home though, and it seems to me that we've had two "bad" periods in the past couple of days, and on both occasions she was so dead-tired it was selfish of me to want to take her out, when really all she wanted to do was sleep (I came to this conclusion cos Thursday night when we were out everything was fine, Saturday morning after we'd rested, everything was fine, early Sunday, before the tiredness set in, everything was fine, and in fact, on Wednesday, even though she was sleepy, we stayed in, snuggled on her bed watching movies, and everything was fine!). I can imagine I can be really annoying under those circumstances too, cos when Ronnie goes quite I have this kinda pre-trained response to kinda do "Twenty Questions" to find out what's the matter (I'll explain that a little. My EX suffered/suffers from ME, and has done pretty much since I first knew her, and she was pretty much always tired and/or incoherent, so often times even if she knew what the matter was (at her worst) she'd find it hard to actually form a sentence to tell me, so I just used to ask her, running through a list of things, and watching whatever tiny responses she gave until I found what it was). That might be all very well with someone who is sick, but with a healthy and capable adult who is just feeling tired, my constant clucking and asking what's the matter is gonna be fucking annoying! So, I need to be more sensitive and aware, and above all make sure that the way I behave isn't influenced by my EX. I hope I'm right about this, I love Ronnie to bits and I don't want to lose her.
On the way home I had a bad scare. I was driving merrily along, when I see ahead two pairs of headlights next to each other. They were a little distance away, and to be honest it being dark I just though I was seeing two cars behind each other, but on a corner. As I got closer though, it turned out I was seeing one car overtaking another, and heading right for me! God knows what the bloke was doin', he didn't seem aware of me at all, and at what probably wasn't the last minute, but felt like it, I slammed the breaks and swerved up onto the grass verge for a couple of yards. I was so scared, I was shakin' like a leaf, the adrenalin of a near miss coursing through my veins. I sat and shaked and cried for a bit, then got the nerve to carry on driving and got myself home. I called Ronnie to let her know I was home safe and sound, and I just broke down in floods of tears: I'd been so scared and it was so good to hear her voice, and it was just a release of all the tension. Honestly I coulda kept talking to her for hours, but I know she's got to work today, so once I felt a little better I let her sleep. I stayed awake for hours though, still with the shakes and feeling glad to be alive. I hugged the t-shirt she sleeps in while she's here; it was comforting, but not as good as hugging the real thing.

posted by BadMonkey @ 7:44 PM