Stunning Lack of Confidence
Yesterday was a good day. Ronnie had a rare day off, and we mainly stayed in bed and watched TV and movies and generally had a lovely relaxing time. Sadly, it was over all too soon and we're back to the real world, such as it is...When Ronnie took my sick-note into work today she was told that due to my extended illness basically over-running my probationary period my case was being referred to HR. And that filled me with panic. I automatically and immediately assumed that whatever HR decided would not only be to my detriment, but it would be unfair. It seems unlikely that they will decide to get rid of me now, so close to my return date (not to mention it being fairly illegal to do so) and having gone to such lengths to look after me and stay in touch with me so far, but that's exactly what I assume they'll do. It got me wondering why I would assume such a thing, and it seems to be something that I do fairly consistently. Any time somebody has to make a decision I assume it will go against me, that it will be unfair and that I won't be able to do anything about it. Not only that but I also seem to assume that no matter what task I undertake I will fail, and even if I succeed my results will only just be tolerable with much I could do better. Have I always been like this? Is it a result of my illness and my bodies current unreliability, or have I always been so bumbling, self-effacing and apologetic? All I know is that it's bloody annoying, and I'm gonna make an effort to stop it, right now! Be confident dammit!
I've got a database to work on/create, so I better get movin'.
posted by BadMonkey @ 2:54 PM
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