The Importance of Being Idle

Crazy Horses

Sometimes I just wonder if I'm going crazy and this is all in my head. Actually, and if I must be pedantic (oh I must), whether it be due to some problems with my ear or me somehow conjuring these symptoms out of my own imagination then the cause of my problem is in my head either literally or figuratively.
I've been reading back over the past few days blogs and noticing the huge amount of spelling and grammatical mistakes, not to mention the instances where I've just missed out words altogether. I've thought about editing them, but in the end I figured it was best to keep them as is, as a record of my ability to communicate and concentrate.
Anyway, back to it all being in my head. So I thought I'd walk to the local shop this morning, pick up a few bits and pieces and for the first fifty or so yards I'd forgotten how I feel and was just walking along normally and I start to think "My god, you're making it all up!". That's something I think a couple of times a day usually, wondering if I'm malingering in some way, although what I hope to gain from it I can't recall. Then I remember that I didn't used to feel like this, that not so long ago I was quick witted and generally composed, was able to drive well, play video games, watch movies and just generally navigate life without becoming confused or overwhelmed. It seems amazing to me that I doubt my own symptoms, but they seem so vague I don't know what else to think. Except I remember a time when I wasn't like this. Maybe it's something in my upbringing; I know my Mum was always of the "you'll feel better when you get to school" brigade, and my Dad hardly seems to acknowledge illness at all. Bah. I worry about this though, ridiculous as it seems, I worry that when I get to the hospital they're gonna do their tests and say "Hey, you're fine you big liar!" and that'll be the end of it. Except I KNOW how I feel, and how I feel isn't how I used to feel, how I should feel...
Hmm, what else?
Well... we saw Lilo and Stitch last night, that was good (and it's had me in an Elvis mood all day!). My life just isn't all that thrilling y'know? Generally I potter about, and feel dizzy (and doubt my dizzy feeling!). It's more a question of passing the time than it is of doing anything particularly fun or useful.
Blah!

posted by BadMonkey @ 4:58 PM