The Importance of Being Idle

Nothing Very Much Is Illuminated

Last night, as I was drifting off to what passed for sleep, I had this really weird memory/feeling. It was something to do with being a child, and the weeks we'd spend during the summer staying with my grandparents, and there was a sense of... anticipation and a colour, a smell... a feeling that something wonderful was gonna happen. Of course, as soon as I became aware that this was happening, the image became slippery and elusive, and I couldn't hold onto it or the feeling. All I was left with was an impression of the feeling that was unbearably vague. I dunno if that makes sense at all, but there was something there, something I almost remember, and it was something really happy and cool...
Last night was miserable though, overall. I think I was better off before, when I didn't go anywhere or know people, cos I was basically okay with my own company and could find ways to entertain myself. But now I have some idea of what I am missing socialising with folk, and it was just really fucking miserable and I couldn't settle down and enjoy the things I used to enjoy.
Maybe I should return to my life of isolation, you can't be disappointed if you don't want anything, right? Although you probably can't put that djinni back in its bottle...

posted by BadMonkey @ 12:03 PM